Today is Saturday, August 19, 2017

45 things I've learned

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Birthdays come and go... you hope

I turned 29 years old the other day. And by other day, I mean years and years ago. But it sure seems like it was yesterday.

In reality, I turned 45 years old last week. It almost hurts to type out those words. But the alternative, of course, would be that I wasn't here to type out those words.

Under those circumstances, being 45 years old seems completely acceptable.

They say with age comes wisdom, so here are the 45 things I've learned thus far....

  • Nobody wants to hear 45 things you've learned thus far! Keep things simple. When we're young we make everything so much more complicated than it is, and everybody is so long-winded. Believe me, when you're talking most people aren't even listening, and if they are, you have about three minutes before they begin to wonder what's for dinner. So save your breath, and do what you got to do and everything will fall into place.

  • Not everything is the end of the world. In fact, almost nothing is. People forget, especially in this day and age of social media and 24-hour news cycles. One day your mug shot goes viral and the next day somebody else's does. In fact, I can't keep up any more with whether I saw your face on mobile patrol, or did I just pin your chili recipe to my tailgating board? It's usually one or the other, but if it's Instagram, then I couldn't see it anyway because you can't enlarge Instagram photos, so whatever got posted there, I can't be bothered with.

  • Then again, nobody forgets the big things. And by big things I mean the big picture. Do something completely horrible or stupid, and folks may not remember exactly what you did but they'll remember whatever it was, wasn't good. And that will be forever the impression people have of you. Remember that the next time you contemplate stealing, cheating or killing. Do any of those things and you'll forever be known as that person who do that horrible thing, which by the way will get only more horrible over time.

  • I am a firm believer that personalities form at a very young age. The kid who was a mess in 2nd grade will invariably be a complete mess at age 45. The super achiever will either be a CEO, a surgeon or be living with his parents after a few stays in a mental institution. And the B student will be the politician. If you don't believe me, ask your parents. It's the honest truth.

  • Drink more water, eat more vegetables and don't ever, ever search your symptoms on WebMD. We are all going to die of something, so why find out all the gory details first. Try to eat, drink and be merry in moderation, and maybe when the end does come, you won't look so bloated.

  • And if you ever choose to write a column about turning 45 years old, you may want to wait at least 6 weeks so the awful reality of being so darn old can somewhat wear off.

Anything sooner, will be considered too soon.

To read more of Angel or Becky's columns go to

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age, Angel Kane, birthday, Telling tales, Wilson Living Magazine
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