Wilson Post Blogs

Many years ago women would gather in living rooms across America in the name of sanity, fellowship and most of all, Tupperware. This party has now evolved into something with a little more pizzazz, a little more excitement, a little more… alcohol. In the early years of home based parties several topics were off limits. You didn’t dare talk about private family matters and the only alcohol being consumed by some of these housewives was behind the closed door of “mom’s sewing room.” At least that’s what I’ve heard.

We are not our mother’s daughters. Most of us 30 and 40 something wives and mothers openly discuss taboo topics that make our moms cringe. We talk to our children about safe sex, politics and drugs. Not that our way is better than our mothers, it just fits the times better.

I’m one of those people.

I watch the weather - religiously. And I think there is something seriously wrong with those of you who don’t.

Be it a thunderstorm, flood or blizzard - I’m never caught off-guard. In fact, Lisa Patton is one of my very best friends. (One of these days I hope to meet her.) And you are a dead man if you try to change the channel before I get to watch her.

In fifth grade, I was crowned the winner of the class spelling bee. This meant I was to represent my class in the school wide spelling bee. To say that my win was a complete flook or is it fluke or maybe even phluke - -- was an understatement. (Have you figured out how this ends?)

When school was called off for Thursday and it was only Wednesday afternoon (before the first snowflake made an appearance), I knew it was time to fly into action and buy up all the provisions my family would need to make it through the night and up until at least 10 am the following day.

Becky and I have been playing a fun little game for a couple of years now. She calls me about once a week and invites me to go run with her. I say NO, we laugh and then the next week she calls me again.

Why is it that when someone has to throw up it always seems to happen in the middle of the night? Getting sick is never fun but it’s especially annoying when it happens on a holiday. That’s exactly how Christmas Day started at our house this year.

As if we didn’t have enough going on this holiday season, along came Elmo, Buddy and Steve.  Welcome to my holiday world of horrors where three little elves reign supreme.

If you have older children, then you may not know about Santa’s new helpers - better known as “Elf On A Shelf.”

I’m getting ready to board a plane and just in case anything happens I know my family will be fine. This is the first time I’ve left my boys (children and husband respectively) for purely selfish reasons. Without giving you the long drawn out story, I was given the opportunity to go to New York City in December. The best part, the trip is free. Who could say no to that? I’ll tell you who. Jay Andrews could. He said while I was free to take a bite out of the Big Apple he doesn’t have the appetite. I understood and didn’t have the heart to tell him he wasn’t invited anyway.

I’m absolutely in awe of homes that are beautifully decorated for the holidays. With their  miles and miles of strung up lights and wreaths hanging from every window, I always think to myself as I drive by …

I do it every year. The week leading up to Thanksgiving I cram. Every night after the kids and husband go to bed, I sit with pen and paper in hand, staring at the TV, taking detailed notes. The Food Network becomes my CNN news feed.  Tyler Florence, Paula Deen and Ina Garten bring me updates on all things Thanksgiving like Diane Sawyer, Katie Couric and Brian Williams keep viewers abreast of all the latest news.

So as I was drinking my coffee Friday morning, I had this surreal moment. Almost an out of body experience.  In the background, I could still hear Joe Scarborough of MSNBC discussing the morning politics.

Last summer I had an amazing dream about my mom. It was only the second time since she died that this has happened. However, this was the first time she talked to me. It was vivid and cloudy, fast and slow and she told me a lot of things. Some I didn’t know, like how happy she was and others I knew, but will choose to keep private.

So, the other day my husband came back from criminal court in Gallatin.

“You are not going to believe it”, he said “someone stole my I-pod right out of my briefcase!”

I thought to myself,  - - what kind of &#%$ steals while IN criminal court.

When I married my husband more than 11 years ago, I was confident I was getting the person who would have and hold me till death.  The one who would love me in sickness and health, for richer or poorer. Although at the time that last line was recited we were thinking “you mean poorer than this?” Even though it wasn’t mentioned in our vows I just assumed our betrothal also meant I was getting the person I could count on to fix things and put stuff together. My assumption was waaaaaay off.

People often ask Becky and I if we are sisters. To which Becky always responds,

“Yes, I’m the much younger, nicer sister.”

It was a good idea in theory. Fall break was approaching, I was long overdue for a vacation and the kids would be out of school. The only negative was my husband couldn’t take time off work, or so he said. With one phone call to my oldest sister we decided to caravan with our kids (her 17 year old son, my 10 and 5 year old boys) on what was sure to be a memorable family vacation. We were so excited… and headed for a ravine.

To this day, I can remember how excited my brother and I were each time my parents took us to the beach. It happened every few years. We would pack up the car and head to Florida. My Mom would make sandwiches for the trip …because there was no way in heck my Dad was stopping that car until he made it all the way to Destin.

It’s no wonder I’m tired. After the kids and husband have gone to bed, I can get so much more done around the house. Last night, as everyone lay peacefully sleeping, I was scrubbing fingerprints from switch plates and mirrors for what seemed like the 800th time that week. At one point during my midnight cleaning spree, I wondered how much of my life will be spent washing fingerprints from door facings or scrubbing grass stains out of baseball pants or using placemats to cover finger paint that stained the dining room table.

So the other day as I let my son out of the car to attend soccer practice - he looked at me - and said, “Where is my water bottle?”

I have a confession to make. I’m both embarrassed and nervous about actually putting it on paper for anyone to see. Since it has been said that, “the truth shall set you free,” here goes. I have not read nor plan to read, any of the Twilight novels. I know, I know. I can hear the collective gasps from Twilight enthusiasts, a lot of which are my family members and close friends. Now that my secret is out I fear I will be defriended from more than half of my facebook friends, party invites will cease and I will be forced to hang my head in shame.