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Bohn plans Saturn/Geo/Suzuki/Yugo dealership for Lebanon

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A recent newcomer to Wilson County's business community hopes to make his mark on the landscape with a new automobile dealership - just as his family has done for years on his native island home of Azkaban.

Badd'tutha Bohn, 41, came to the U.S. shortly after his home country's highly controversial 2011 ban on circles, the curves of which Azkaban's staunchly conservative government said were too provocative.

"It was a very dark time for me and my family," he recalled. "For how can you sell the cars with no wheels? It was devastating for many in my country. My Uncle Fah'nee Bohn was banished because he could not rid himself of the circles under his eyes. My dear friend Sarah-ah-haha-ha, who was a very successful importer of Spaghetti-Os, lost everything in an instant."

But Bohn never gave up hope.

"I knew America was the land of opportunity, so I bought a helicopter ticket - because airplanes they also have the circle wheels - and began my journey," he said.

In recent years, Bohn has worked tirelessly, saving every penny and putting it toward his dream of opening a car dealership in Middle Tennessee.

"When I saw in the news recently that Mr. Nick Saban was opening a Mercedes dealership in Nashville, I was very much inspired. I know Mr. Nick Saban to be a powerful man. I am told he can make the tides roll," Bohn said. "I chose Lebanon because so many of the cities they have the squares. As an Azkabanian I was so excited to see Lebanon's roundabout. It's a circle! A circle! It was like a symbol of freedom."

Already, the enthusiastic third-generation auto dealer has secured deals with a number of car companies, and he expects Wilson County Saturn/Geo/Suzuki/Yugo to open its doors in early 2017.

"I could not be happier to sell the cars with the wheels, just as my father before me and his father before him," he smiled. "It's a Bohn family tradition, that's what we say."

This observant reporter did not have the heart to tell him he might need to consider changing his slogan.

This article is fictional, produced by a fictional writer. All facts stated in the article are for entertainment purposes only. It is a joke. Happy April Fools Day.

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