Today is Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Five Oaks residents to build wall, 'make Lebanon pay for it'

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Five Oaks residents have announced plans to construct a wall "at least 30- or 40-feet high" around the high-end Lebanon subdivision.

And that's not all. This intrepid reporter has learned they intend to "make Lebanon pay for it."

Five Oaks Homeowners Association President Horatio Wentworth VII said they are fed up with surrounding neighbors to the east and west coming into their subdivision unchecked.

"We are going to build a wall, and it's going to be a great wall, I'm telling you," Wentworth, who is also a developer, said. "I am the best at building walls."

Although the project is projected by many experts to cost as much as $20 million, Wentworth said no one in Five Oaks needs to worry about paying for it.

"We are losing so much money to Lebanon, it's ridiculous. We lose millions to Lebanon every year. It's one of the worst deals I've ever seen. We ARE going to build that wall, and Lebanon is going to pay for it.

"These people coming into our subdivision, they're bad guys, real bad dudes. And if anyone is already here that shouldn't be, we are going to round them all up and kick them out. They can apply to come back, legally, that's the key word, legally."

When this intrepid reporter informed Wentworth that people who enter the subdivision are doing so legally, since there are no laws forbidding entrance to their community, Wentworth did not seem fazed.

"We don't win anymore. We are going to win in all our deals once the wall is in place."

This article is fictional, produced by a fictional writer. All facts stated in the article are for entertainment purposes only. It is a joke. Happy April Fools Day.

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