Today is Thursday, August 17, 2017

On Dieting...

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I've been on a mission since the birth of my first child almost 15 years ago. As hard as I've tried to complete this mission, I fall short every time. Actually, I fall head first into a big bowl of Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey or pan of brownies whatever is closest.

"What is this mission?" (Begin Theme Music from Mission Impossible) I'm on a mission... TO LOSE WEIGHT! And while Ethan Hunt was a mastermind at defusing bombs and retrieving deadly genetically-engineered viruses, dieting while stuffing fistfuls of candy into plastic eggs or serving up slice after slice of ooey gooey pizza, would leave even him waving a white flag of surrender.

This time though, it's going to be different. I realized a couple of weeks ago I'd been doing this all wrong. Of course it's going to be hard to diet if my whole family is still eating all that over processed, high fat, yet incredibly delicious junk. Since swimsuit season is only six months away and desperate times' call for desperate measures, I've decided to put my whole family on my new "eat right" plan. After polishing off all of the perishable holiday treats, I threw out all of the bad stuff; except for the emergency stash of Oreos reserved for extreme PMS situations.

My oldest, who has always been my biggest cheerleader when I try to diet, said he couldn't wait to get started. My youngest, as usual, was a little harder to convince. Before bed one night, I leaned in to give him a goodnight kiss and said, "I'm going on a diet next week. I need you to help me stay focused." Without any hesitation he responded, "When will you be back?" I thought about this little question for a minute and tried to come up with an understandable response. So I said, "Probably around noon on New Year's Day. Night, honey."

My husband was the least thrilled. He was afraid this new eating plan would mean no meat and all veggies. He loves vegetables but insists that something has to die for him to feel like he's gotten adequate nutrition from a meal. Eventually he caved. Probably aware that my little trips to dieting hell only last until about noon on the day it starts.

So here I am, D-minus three days before the big "D" begins. I'm sure it's my full stomach talking but I actually think I can stick this one out. Even if I do fall short again, who am I kidding? I've never been comfortable in a bathing suit no matter how thin I am. That's what a sarong is for.

There are some things I will never be. I will never be the tall girl sitting in front of you during a movie, concert or the like blocking your view. I will never be the person who can fit into a sample-size runway dress. I will never give accurate driving directions. And I can guarantee no one will ever say to me, "You are too thin." But if you ever want to try a new diet, I will be the woman who will try it with you.

You can reach Becky Andrews at becky@wilsonlivingmagazine.com.

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Becky Andrews, dieting, food, nutrition, Telling tales, weight loss, Wilson Living Magazine
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