When thinking doesnt lull me back to sleep, I get out of bed and shuffle to the living room to watch a little TV (if a documentary on the evolution of the cotton mill cant put you to sleep, nothing will.) By the time the narrator begins detailing the life of Eli Whitney, I begin to take note of areas of disorder in the house. Two light bulbs need to be replaced in the living room, which will require a ladder, which will mean I need to ask my husband where the ladder is, which leads to a ton of questions as to why I need a ladder, followed by a detailed outline of how we will replace each bulb with the most efficiency. Then I notice the baseboards and see how badly they need to be cleaned and repainted. In fact, the entire house needs to be repainted. I wonder if I can find someone to do it. Nope, we could just do it ourselves. Sure that would save money, but wed kill each other or at the very least call each other very bad names.
Its already 2 a.m. and Im now wide awake. Maybe food will do the trick. I know theres chocolate chip cookies in the pantry. Of course, if I eat those, Ill need to balance it out with something salty like the brand new bag of Salt and Vinegar chips I hid from the kids. No! I shouldnt eat that junk in the middle of the night. But then when is the best time to eat junk food?
After a very satisfying midnight, or 2 a.m., snack, I shuffle back to bed. I try to do what all the experts say we should do when faced with insomnia clear your mind. So Im clearing my mind. Theres nothing to worry about. Worry doesnt help me tackle my to-do list. Worry doesnt take the mercury out of the salmon I made for dinner. Worry wont help me lose 10 pounds (neither will the cookies and chips for that matter). Worry wont pay my childrens college tuition. But man if it did, they could go anywhere they wanted on a full ride worryship. No! All this thinking about what worry cant accomplish isnt allowing me to clear my mind. Clearing, clearing, clearing until Im almost asleep then, BOOM! The alarm goes off. My husband who snored most of the night is already up and before I can pour the first cup of coffee he says, You know youd feel better if you didnt stay up watching TV. Now to remember what experts say you should do when your spouse says something completely moronic?
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