Today is Thursday, August 17, 2017

Turkeys, UFO's & nonsense

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It wasn't too long after this picture was taken we saw a UFO.

Thought of something the other day. Have y'all noticed that now that everyone is carrying a cell phone that takes pictures like a camera, you don't hear quite so much about UFO's?

See, I was sitting, most likely in a nest of copperheads and ticks, waiting for it to get light enough for this gobbler to fly down.

I wasn't really exactly where I wanted to be. In fact, I was not 100% sure, where it was, I was.

I really wanted to be fishing but here I was, scrooched up against the base of this big ole tree and mostly uncomfortable. That is when I saw it.

Most likely, it was a plane or something but it got me to thinkin. See, I don't turkey hunt much.

It is not a passion for me but I felt like I probably should go at least once this year.

So, by giving a blast on my $2 Walmart airhorn, I got this bird to gobbulate at me.

Then, I put a sneak on him any Native American Indian First Nation Aboriginal would be proud of.

I only fell once and not real bad, then. When I got what I figured was close enough, I set up...more or less, kinda on a field edge but maybe not. It was still somewhat dark.

While sitting there, listening to this bird gobbulating at every noise in the thicket, I saw a strange light, (Probably not the one Hank saw.).

That got me to thinkin about UFO's. Of which I have seen a couple or three, two in Grandmother Holler and one in Illinois.

Now I know they were genuine UFO's because for sure they were flying objects and for sure, I could not identify them.

One was also witnessed by a state policeman and the other by two friends who may or may not have had a drink.

The LEO refused to admit exactly what he saw but he was sure acting as if he saw it, too.

Either that or he spilled coffee on himself. Good thing he was wearing dark blue pants.

But anyway, as it always does, time started passing real slow when you are waiting for the sunrise.

So, you sit there and think about things.

Things such as, health nuts like my wife are sure going to feel stupid when they are lying in a hospital dying of nothing.

Think about that, folks. Healthy is only the slowest rate at which you can die.

You have strange thoughts when you are anticipating putting the front bead on a gobbulating bird.

Even R.D. Denny does, (and sometimes actually kills a bird.) and for sure, Big Bird Campbell does. I don't know about The Judge.

However, he did say to me one time, "The only difference between being in a rut and being in a grave is the depth."

Kinda made me think. But then, he also said, "If corn oil is made from corn and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, reckon where they get baby oil?"

I scratched a phantom itch, heard the bird gobbulate and recommenced thinkin.

I wonder, do illiterates get the same enjoyment from eating alphabet soup?

I'm gonna ask Coleman Walker about that. He is about as un-illiterate as they come.

He is the same guy that once asked me, "Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?"

Y'all know Julie over at Next Step? She is what one might call loquacious. I misdoubt that her and Bobby Ray even have to breathe when they talk.

That made me wonder, does a big gobbulator take a deep breath before it gobbulates? I never saw one do so but I'm thinkin they must.

So anyway, it finally did come daylight...and then sunup...and then sunrise and that bird was still in the same place and still gobbulatin about every three minutes and 11 seconds. Not that I timed him or anything cause I do not own a watch, haven't for several years. And it was way too much trouble to figure out in which pocket I had put the $30 cell phone my wife makes me carry.

Reckon why Obama won't give me a free one? Guess you need to be an illegal of some sort.

Well, after a while, when I considerin why people of the 60's took acid to make the world weird and people today take Prozac to make it normal, I struggled to my feet and went lookin for the bird.

I found him, too.

Some kid skippin school and shakin one of them gobbulator things, thinkin he would get a real one to answer.

I got behind a tree and called out to him, I said, "Son, do you realize life is sexually transmitted? And besides that, you are very badly trespassing?"

Tell you one thing. That kid could run.

And that is the way it really happened...give or take a lie or two.

Y'll enjoy the outdoors.

Contact the author at jsloan1944@gmail.com

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