Today is Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Watch out for that Twinkie It could kill ya!

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For the sake of my children and husband, I should at least go outside to scream. But Im fresh out of sunscreen. Even though its January and overcast, experts recommend wearing sunscreen because of cancer risks. Or am I supposed to avoid it now because its causing Vitamin D deficiencies? And thats causing all kinds of problems. Even prostate cancer! So apparently I cant go outside because I dont have sunscreen, and even if I did, I cant use it because it will make me grow a prostate. I should probably wait until summer to go out but what about mosquitos? They carry all kinds of diseases like malaria, and I cant use repellent because it contains DEET. Experts say DEET can cause memory loss, headaches and fatigue. But what if youve been using it for years anyway? Wait! What was I just talking about?


Maybe I should use all that pent-up rage to clean instead. A little elbow grease will make everything better. Only the warning signs on my bathroom cleaner reminded me of that special on 20/20 that discussed the dangers of household cleaners. So just to be sure, I Googled dangerous household cleaners and found that we are housing a closet full of chemical warfare -- all of these products are deadly! I guess Ill chance it though. The alternative of cleaning with vinegar and water would only make sense if we were a family of pickles. My house just doesnt feel clean unless the smell of bleach burns when you inhale.


Lets talk about the news. You cant turn on the television these days without hearing, The CDC issues a new warning on something so deadly; it might KILL your entire family. And youre probably serving it for dinner tonight. That story and highlights from the playoffs tonight at 10. So I do the only thing that makes sense we wait to eat until after the 10 oclock news.


Lately I feel like I cant take my kids anywhere unless they are in one of those big, round exercise gerbil balls, all because they might come in contact with a flesh eating bacteria at the grocery or swine flu at ball practice. But thats impractical and stupid. We cant keep ourselves or our children from ever getting sick. We need a certain amount of germs and bacteria and yes, even preservatives to survive. Look at what happened to the aliens in H.G. Wells novel, War of the Worlds!


For now, Ive banned all shows pertaining to household dangers and decided to sit in my comfy chair and read something that doesnt showcase an agenda on politics, religion, global warming or breast feeding -- thats right, Im reading Betty Whites autobiography. I love her!


by Becky Andrews


Email Becky at becky@wilsonlivingmagazine.com

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